


how to make friends at the grocery store

by manderly



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-12
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-02-17 02:59:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2294357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manderly/pseuds/manderly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sakura's getting real tired of the jerk that keeps leaving random vegetables in the wrong aisles. Modern Grocery Store AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	how to make friends at the grocery store

As the best friend of two certain idiots, Sakura considered herself quite good at dealing with annoyances. Getting calls at 4 AM because Naruto had locked themselves out of their apartment during a midnight ramen run? Acceptable. Having to initiate and maintain a Student Council campaign because Sasuke suddenly decided that he wanted to be Student Council President after seeing some of his Uchiha cousins getting bullied in school? Can do with a positive attitude. Having to work at a grocery store in order to help fund said campaign despite it not being her actual idea at all and the Uchiha family being rich as heck so why the hell couldn’t Sasuke just ask his dad for some money? Well, that was pretty eh, but she could roll with it. 

Sure, she complained internally about these irritations to the point that she may have been developing an angry alter ego. But overall, her unfortunate fondness for her best friends and her flawless work ethic generally convinced her to buckle down and deal with it. So yes, Sakura was willing to admit that she could deal with a lot of annoyances, but oh boy was she was not willing to deal with _this._

She stood at the end of the aisle, posture impeccable, arms crossed, draped in a dark green apron that went surprisingly well with her pink hair. Printed on her grocery store employee uniform was a tomato with a bright, chubby face and a surprisingly buff body, beaming at anyone who cared to look as it pushed along a cart full of tiny cherry tomatoes. In her free time, Sakura pondered exactly what degree this was on the messed-up scale; at this point, it had reached the hella messed up level in her book. Of course, as a model employee, Sakura kept these thoughts mostly to herself, plastering on a happy, enthusiastic smile for all who walked through the doors of The Vegetable Crisper grocery store. She was well on track for Employee of the Month at The Vegetable Crisper. There was just one problem. One specific, troublesome customer. A certain customer who had just walked past for whom Sakura’s face depicted the complete opposite look of the bright and cheery buff tomato emblazoned on her torso. Oh, she _hated_ this one. 

He was back. _The Vegetable Leaver._ The one who had apparently no idea that supermarket aisle organization even _existed._ The one who insisted on grabbing a large amount of vegetables and then slowly dispersing them in every other aisle in the grocery store as if of course those tomatoes belonged right next to the frozen ice cream. What are you saying tomatoes aren’t supposed to be frozen? That’s _preposterous._ Oh, this avocado? This definitely goes into the cereal aisle, why the hell not, y’know? And it wasn’t enough that he was back. Oh no, he just _had_ to happen to have a head of lettuce in his hand while standing in the dairy products aisle, clearly intent on nestling the green circular vegetable right next to the imitation butter containers. That clearly didn’t belong there! Why did these things happen to her? It wasn’t like the actual vegetable aisle was far from the dairy production section; it was _literally_ five steps away. Was he honestly that lazy? Was he just straight up unaware that organization existed?

“ALRIGHT, that is _IT!_ ” Sakura screeched in a fit of pique, stomping towards the blond, longhaired fool like an elephant on a warpath. “I’ve had it up to HERE with you, Vegetable Leaver!” 

He froze in spot; lettuce halfway cozied up to the reduced-fat cream cheese containers. 

“First, it was the carrots. I could deal with that. That was acceptable. Leaving them in the household cleaning section? Alright. That aisle’s far from the vegetable section and it’s not like carrots need to be chilled. But then came the ice cream tomatoes, and then the cereal avocado. And now the imitation butter lettuce?” Sakura ranted, a manic glint reaching her eyes as she pointed emphatically at the chilling lettuce. “Does it have no _end_ , Vegetable Leaver?”

The Vegetable Leaver looked at the agitated store employee, then at the lettuce in his hands, then back to the girl. “Uh.” He eloquently said. Sakura responded by delivering yet another insistent pointed flail at the lettuce. “I can explain, yeah.” 

Sakura raised an eyebrow that clearly expressed that he better have an explanation if he ever wanted to set foot in The Vegetable Crisper ever again. 

The Vegetable Leaver looked mildly alarmed at actually being called out on having an explanation. “Well, uh.” He started. “It’s like this, yeah.” He made a vague motion of the hand towards his shopping cart. “I see things and decide that I want them.... so I put them in my shopping cart, yeah.”

Sakura looked incredibly unimpressed with this explanation. “That’s generally what people do when they want things in a grocery store, yes.”

The Vegetable Leaver nodded weakly. “So, I saw the lettuce and I wanted it. But then, I saw the Pumpkin Spice Oreos and decided that I wanted those instead, yeah.” He pointed towards the middle of the dairy aisle. Planted right in the middle was a bright orange human-sized pumpkin that Sakura had apparently completely failed to notice in her angry march. Littered around the display were numerous boxes of fluorescent orange Pumpkin Spice Oreos emblazoned with the promise of having the taste of thousands of ground up pumpkins. 

“… Alright.” Sakura trailed off vaguely. “And?” 

The Vegetable Leaver blinked. “And what, yeah?” 

“So, you don’t want the lettuce.” Sakura stated. “So you decide well, I wish this lettuce was a butter cookie _so of course_ it makes absolute sense to put it with the fake butter.” 

The Vegetable Leaver shrugged. “Eh, it’s not like Oreos have any real butter in them, yeah. Let’s be real here.” 

Sakura slapped a hand over her eyes. “That… That isn’t even the poi-“ She shook her head for a second before throwing her hand down, and staring down the fool in front of her. “Alright, that’s it. You and me. We’re making this happen.” 

“What.” Looking incredibly affronted, the Vegetable Leaver reached into his right pocket with his free hand. 

Assuming he was pulling out his cell phone, Sakura held up her hand in a “wait” signal. “Hold up. You’re learning some organization today, Vegetable Leaver.” Sakura explained primly. “By the end of today, you’re going to know exactly where _everything_ belongs at The Vegetable Crisper.” 

Dropping his hand, the Vegetable Leaver looked mildly relieved for a second. That is until he understood her words. “We’re going to what now?” 

“It’s something that you apparently need to have a walkthrough explanation on, Sir Can’t-Believe-Lettuce-Doesn’t-Belong-With-Butter.” 

“It’s Deidara, yeah.” He snapped back, emphatically waving around the lettuce. “And I know where things belong!” 

“Do you though?” Sakura said skeptically. “Do you _really?_ ” 

Deidara looked incredibly taken-back at the condescending tone this pink-haired teenage girl was taking with him. “Yes!” He insisted, angrily slam-dunking the lettuce into his shopping cart. 

Sakura looked at the now incredibly deflated lettuce, then back at Deidara. She raised an eyebrow; he resolutely refused to acknowledge this turn of events. “Right, okay so you’re buying that.” 

“… Yeah.” Deidara conceded in a resigned tone. 

Sakura nodded definitively. “Good.” Stepping closer to Deidara’s shopping cart, she skimmed its contents. Noting the twenty packets of extra spicy ramen, the eight packets of chocolate chip cookies, the family-size container of instant coffee, and the bag of cheap bread, Sakura shot a sympathetic look at the taller man. “Starving college student, huh?” 

“Worse.” Deidara grinned sideways, shrugging in an oversized coat. “Starving art school student, yeah.” 

“Now that explains a lot.” 

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Deidara sniffed back, mockingly offended. 

“The total lack of respect for organization.” Sakura said flatly, biting back a smile.

“I respect organization!” Deidara protested. “Just not when it requires effort on my part, yeah.”

“Tell me something that isn’t obvious.And don’t think you’re getting out of learning organization! We’re getting this done.” 

Deidara scoffed. “And I already said that I know where things go!” 

“Prove it.” 

“Ever heard of the burden of proof being put on the accuser, yeah?” Deidara said snidely. 

Sakura looked pointedly at the depressed head of lettuce in the shopping cart, then back at the imitation butter shelf left in disarray. 

“… Right.” Deidara acknowledged awkwardly. 

He looked uncertain for a second before shrugging in nonchalance. “Well, whatever, yeah.” Then immediately started babbling off exactly what was in each aisle to such a degree of accuracy that Sakura was left wondering exactly who exactly was the employee here. And it would be one thing if Deidara was just babbling off exactly what was on each aisle based on the signs marking exactly that, but for some reason, he was bouncing from aisle to aisle, adding in the tiniest details. “Organic lemon cookies in Aisle 7. Got some in a two for one deal last month. Pretty decent. Mops on Aisle 3. Don’t get the ones on the right side. They couldn’t absorb anything, yeah. Made of the worst microfiber. It got water okay, I guess, but anything heavier and it’s _useless_. Tupperware in Aisle 4. Don’t bother with the ones with the green lids. Those break super easy, yeah. Couldn’t manage the tiniest amount of heat.” 

Eventually he reached an end to his rundown of everything to know in The Vegetable Crisper, looking expectantly at Sakura. She blinked. “Well then.” She eventually said blankly. 

Deidara grinned, shrugging modestly. “I notice things, yeah. Some say I’m an observational genius.” He winked. 

“Oh wow.” Sakura deadpanned. “You know where things are in a grocery store. You are pretty much a genius.” 

“Basically.” He replied humbly. 

Sakura rolled her eyes. “So tell me,” Sakura started. “If you know all of that, why don’t you just put things back where they belong?” 

“Don’t wanna.” 

Sakura stared. “Are you ser- No. _No!_ You’re going to start putting things back where they belong!” 

Deidara shrugged. “Make me.”

“Maybe I will!” Sakura threatened, placing her hands threateningly on her hips. 

Deidara grinned back, leaning towards her. “I’d like to see you _try_.”

“ _Good!_ ” Sakura blurted back. 

Deidara reached a hand forward to mess with Sakura’s hair before leaning back with a smirk. Ignoring Sakura’s sputtering at this treatment, he grabbed the deflated lettuce and sauntered towards the entrance of the grocery store. “I’ll hold you to it then, yeah?” He called back as he gave her a jaunty wave. 

Sakura stared wordlessly as Deidara left the building. “….Did he just steal that head of lettuce?” She asked herself. “Who the hell steals _lettuce_?” She looked blankly at the abandoned shopping cart in front of her. “Where the hell are the other people on this shift?


End file.
